Nothing Left But Me

I don't understand a lot of everything.
But that doesn't mean I need to, right?
I don't have to. Because some things are meant to be kept secret after all.

I thought I had many friends and people who would support me for a moment there.
But I was just deluding myself. I just realized that.
I really am slow. Am I growing old too soon?

When suddenly no one was there to comfort me, that was when I realized that I was in a sort of dream.
That in reality: No one cares at all.
Maybe if I suffered I dunno... cancer, or heart attack or something stupid... or maybe I was paralyzed.
Then just MAYBE they would worry.
Only for a little while.
Then they'll forget about it the next morning as if nothing had just happened.
And knowing that I've got a sickness, they are ashamed.
And will not talk to me. Or maybe even look at me.

See? That's how much they care for me.
Touching, isn't it?

So I decided that from now on I'm living on my own.
I live for myself and of course - for the peace of the world.
Which means I must act right and bring about the right consequences.
So nothing terrible happens and I get a good life.

I trust no one.
Love no one (except for my family)
And definitely, I'll never be silly and take part in something stupid which will end up bringing much disadvantage to me.

Its true.
I'm selfish. And I wonder who made me become that way.
But just so you know, I'm still nice.
Somehow, I can never fully NOT trust someone.
I can never fully NOT love someone either.

I wonder what this means..
But then again, I don't have to understand.
Cause some things are just meant to be kept secret.