The One Thing I Hate Most

When people just leave the conversation without a goodbye greeting or something of the sort.
and when people ignore me when I'm talking and when I'm right in front of their face.

FFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFF.

How much more rude can people nowadays be?
I mean, is it not common courtesy to respond to people when they are talking or at least listen to them if you don't know what to say, then a simple 'yes' or 'no' will do.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH THAT?

Unless you're so utterly lazy that you don't even want to move your farkin lips to say a simple word even a toddler knows.

Okay, so maybe you just want to be sarcastic.
You like making people believe that you're interested, when you're actually not. And then ignore them when they are talking, or even worse, walk away altogether.

Its OKAY. Once. Or twice.
But don't do it too many times. GOSH.
However did your mum teach you in growing up?
Are you just plain dumb or what?

It hurts, okay?
It hurts when you ignore people just like that.
I'm not the only one feeling like this...
And being sixteen, you should know better.

You need to stop being so selfish and start thinking about what other people would feel and think about the consequences of your actions.
You can't live like that forever and you know it.

Turn of Events (?)

Okay so I was pretty sure I was complaining and whining in the last post...
Which was quite a while ago and I apologize for that but I'm kinda in the middle of mid term tests now so bear with me :)
..but now I'm not really feeling so bad anymore :D

Haha yeah. I know. Something's wrong me.
Sometimes I can't help but think that's the truth.
How my mood can change so quickly: I'm not entirely sure either.

Just a few weeks ago, he's been kind of a little of a jerk but now he's getting better.
Is he ?
I can't really say.
But I guess he is a little.
Better.

And that makes me feel so glad :D
He's really starting to talk now. I can't stop being happy.
Every evening, every night is the best part of the day.
I can't help but smile before my sleep.
This is the best feeling ever.

I think I'm falling for him more and more everyday.
Sigh.
What to do? :P

Insecurity, Weakness and Impatience

I know its only normal for everyone to feel insecure about things.
But I haven't been for a while now. I dreaded the day I would start to feel this way again.
Everything was fine and nice. Joyful and fun. Free.

..Until you came.

I didn't think it would be you.
The you who ignored everyone else except the people you cared about and yourself.
You who had no interest in people who liked things you didn't.
You whose words I could never understand nor comprehend.
You who crushed me, like I was just a little ant.

But you had no idea, did you?
That you were indeed crushing my heart this whole time.
Everyday, every hour, every minute, every second I think of you,
its like killing myself every time.
But it doesn't stop.

How the hell did I even get here in the first place?
I'm chasing a stupid, endlessly painful, unreachable dream.
I know it will never come true.
That having you turn back once to even look at me,
would be the last thing you would want to do on your list.

However, because of the optimistic self that I had acquired over the time of peace and calm,
I tried convincing myself that it wasn't that bad. It wasn't serious.
It just probably would take more time to know you better, to get closer to you, to become at least your friend.
That I wasn't actually very much attracted to you already. I convinced myself.
Yeah.

That was like a month ago.
My optimism now is draining out fast.
With every day that passes, it dries up a lot, more and more every day.
Because with passing day, I think more of you.
And the more I think of you, the worse I'll feel.
The worse I feel, the more convincing I'll have to make.
The more convincing I do, the more I lose my optimistic self.
The less optimistic I am, the more pessimistic I become,
The more pessimistic I become, the more emo I will be.

And that is where I first started.
Right at day one.
EMO.

I don't know where I stand now. In my life and in your heart.
Why is it so hard for you to understand?
Is it because you don't like me at all?
Is it because I'm a pain?
I'm sure I've hinted you a gazillion times already.
Are you just ignorant, naive, dense?
Or am I annoying? A prick?

Let's stop running around in circles.
Okay, I admit.
I like you. Maybe love you even.

Maybe I'm just so drunk with love right now that I have no idea what might come after or what the hell I am saying right now but I know this is true. I'm not lying.

So can you do the same?
Can you just f*ckin tell me already?
I hate it when people don't just be straightforward.
I'm weak. I don't have much stamina.
Let's stop running.
Let's just stop. Talk. And get this over with.

I'm ready for the pain.