If Only..

If only cussing wasn't a bad thing.
I would curse SO much that you probably won't be able to hear me speaking right with all of the censoring.
That's right.
__ity ___ ____.
Gosh.
Love love love. Exams exams exams. Work work work.
___ ___ ___ them all.

Damn it.
I need a breather. A LONG breather.
I feel like time is running out too fast for all of our good.
Why can't you slow down, time? WHY DO YOU DO THIS TO ME? ): TO US?

Just a little update on me for me for possible future reference,
I'd say that recently,
I've been a little more.. um.. I don't know what the word is exactly..
Rational?
I've been doing some thinking..
and I think, that it's time I stopped being too ___ing kind and nice to others.

Being ignored and yet always being the one who puts my foot down and start to try getting their attention when they end up slipping away sooner than I thought all the time..
That's just stupid. Crazy stupid.
I've had enough of that.
So I made a decision: I'm not gonna do that anymore.
I'm not going to let myself get pushed around like a rag doll,
being told what to do,
and not doing anything about them.

If they want me to do something, they have to have a reason why they think I should do it for them.
If they think certain ways of acting to me is appropriate(which usually aren't) then they have to have a ___ing reason too. Or else its humiliation time.
And.. I'm also not talking to a few people who've been taking me for granted way too much.
Unless they come talk to me first.
Or when the situation really calls for it.
I'm done being a softie.
I'm done being shy, and soft-spoken, not letting anyone know my real thoughts.

Well you know what?
That time is over.

So ___ you all.

Hoping again..

Could this be a false hope?
Why do I keep allowing myself to get hurt?
I don't even know if this is right.
And yet, I'm just hoping, wishing, so badly.. that it WILL be right. For me.
Because if it was,
everything would just fit in perfectly. Like a missing puzzle piece.
But if it isn't.. then everything would fall apart.

I don't even think its crucial enough for me to seek help since nothing has happened.
Yet.
I'm falling deeper everyday. And I can't help that.
I'm so helpless.
If the last was different..
then how much more unique is this one?

Rights and Reason

I've honestly never felt so happy for myself before.
I am so proud of me.
Yes, no matter how awkward and conceited that sounds,
you better believe it.

I actually stood up for myself today.
Well.. not really.. kinda.. in an indirect and sarcastic way but that's all the better, right?
No obvious harm done :x

So I was kinda pissy after school.
You know, when you have Sejarah and Accounts right after it.. then you have fencing and you're just OH-SO-TIRED.
Who doesn't get cranky when they're tired?
So I went to the field to watch em girls play netball with a bunch of college students from HELP college.
I didn't intend to play cause I was tired and everything so I just sat aside and watch, cheering and clapping when necessary.
Then when Zhi and Sonn got out of the court for playing too long and that match being over,
they walked to where I was.

And you DO know how rude it is to stand in front of someone oh so closely, right?
Blocking their view when they were obviously staring right where you were standing.
And now their ass is all up in your face and you can't see what in going on in the freaking court.
Yes.

So I snapped.
But I'm not the type to lash out recklessly. Obviously, I'm the total cool and calm figure.
So I told Sonn to move freaking out of the way.
With just one simple question.
I feel like a total bitch for once.
She seemed sorry.
I liked that feeling.

Sorry Sonn but I just don't like people who deny others of their rights and is always so inconsiderate.
You probably wouldn't like to hear this but.. people like you aren't going to last in the world out there. I've been there.
You have to change if you want to live. Geez.

For at least the past two years.. and counting,
whenever I try to talk to her or even TALK to her. She always either ignores me or pretends I'm not there.
Like, HELLO?
I'm freaking here, next to you, repeating your name for like god-knows-how-long.
I'm not your slave, why do I have to wait for you to pay attention to me?
You know how they say when you do a good thing to a person, that person will return the good deed?

Apparently that does not apply in this case at all. Or person. Whatever.
I ALWAYS and I mean ALWAYS pay attention to people who call me.
Even if I dislike them SO FREAKING MUCH.
I will still bring myself to hear em out.
Because, if you spoiled brats have not been taught that before, that is what we civilized people call MANNERISM.
What you have to show others in order for people to respect you and treat you better.

As far as I'm concerned,
ignoring is one of the actions I hate most in the world, next to lying and betraying.
I absolutely DETEST ignorance.
It is so frustrating.
Do you know that doing that to someone like me who has never wronged you in any way is denying me of my human rights?

Get your thinking straight.
I have every reason to be mad at you.
You're already 16.
When will you realize that you're not always going to have things your way?
When will you grow out of your childishness?