*)^&*!@!!!!

Damn it for the love of all goodness and happiness in this life,

where the hell have you gone??!!

Why have you left me so early?!

Why is it that every time I try, I fail?!!

And fail and fail and fail!

And no matter how strong I try to look,

it hurts inside. a lot. Do you know that?!!

What if that happened to you??

Would you like it any better??

No one would have liked it.

You are lucky enough that God put you in that group.

That people at least LOOK like they care.

ME?!

Does anyone fucking care about me?!

NO!

What they do?!

They insult me, judge me and criticize me!

RIGHT in my face!

I'm human too I'm not some mechanical robot that has no emotions

You scold me, you hurt me, you laugh at me, you treat me like I'm a good-for-nothing..

Do you think I'll be okay?

Do you?

Do you want to try?!

So you think I'm a nerd

So you think I'm not worth talking to

So you think you can trash me aside and ignore me

So you think you're better than me

So you think I will always be below you

So you think I'm not good-looking enough

WELL?! Aren't I right?

You know who I'm talking about.

Yes, I'm talking about those people.

La la mui in 2 Agape!

I'm sick n tired of it.

N not only them, people in 2 Arif too but I'm not mentioning their names.

You read my post and you feel sorry for what you've done,

then the next moment you walk away, or do something else and you forget,

then you go ahead and take me for granted again!

I'm a fucking human. HUMAN.

Got that memorized?

I'm a shithead human.

.....

And I'm a girl.

I get hurt easily.

I only got 1 friend who would REALLY bother.

And its not like she really understand coz she's not in my situation.

I can't.. do this.. anymore..

Can't Handle This

What is wrong with me?

Nothing I'm telling myself is taking its effect on me.

I'm not feeling any more relaxed.

Instead, I'm getting more and more frustrated every day.

And I'm also getting these weird dreams every night.

I end up talking to myself and my sister thinks its weird and oh my gosh I can type about these things forever and it will never stop.

I feel so sad.

I feel that if I open my mouth and speak,

people will feel annoyed.

I feel that if I get close to someone , they'll think I'm disgusting.

I'm too freaking sensitive.

I'm not ugly or nasty.

I'm normal. I'm perfectly normal.

I'm not confident of myself.

I can't seem to turn the table around.

I can't handle this anymore.

I don't want to handle this anymore.

This sucks.

I suck.

I really really suck.

Self Esteem

Self-esteem is a term used in psychology to reflect a person's overall evaluation or appraisal of his or her own worth.

Worthless. Ugly. Loser. You Shouldn't Be Here.Get lost. Die.

Don't you just feel so down when someone tells you that?

Sure you have it easy when you're those type that people don't dare to mess with.

But when you're like me.. when you have really no one to talk to unless you start the conversation which usually ends really lame : its really difficult.

Not to mention, there is a group of people at school who hate you for particularly no reason at all

They just do.

Makes no sense. But thats the way it is. Like it or not.

Just having them around sucks like shit.

But when they tease and bully you..

That's when it REALLY hurts.

And worse, they don't seem to care at all...

They have no idea..

how much it hurts.

Priscilla's Sweet 16

Prologue
Torn between two choices... A final decision that will rule her future happiness until her last breath.
This is the story of a girl who's fate was decided even before she was born.
Her name is Priscilla. Or Priscilla Hampshire to be more specific.
She belonged to a tribe of a sort which was believed to have existed for more than 100 years.
A tribe called 'Malid'. Malid had just recently developed modernization just about 20 years ago.

At and that exact time, it was written in the tribe's leader's diary that there will be a unique descendant 4 years from now. A girl. Who will change their rigid, stiff, boring, mundane and especially cold-hearted tribe once and for all when she reaches her SWEET 16.

If you don't call this happy, I don't know what else you can call it

Start of the holidays.

My sister's birthday.. party..

Zhi En attending..

Non-bitchy people attending..

having loads of fun..

Its the best thing I could wish for.

Usually, when I wish for a nice future, it turns out bad.

But looks like this time, it didn't.

And somehow, that proves an encouragement,

that nothing is really what it seems to be.

Its the only day this whole year that I have felt no depression, weariness, exhaustion, annoyance or anything else bad that will influence the rest of my day.

I feel so refreshed and.. ALIVE.

This is how every day of my life is supposed to be.

And I realized yet again, that there are a lot of things that I need to change in myself.

Things that get in the way of the sort of happiness I experienced today.

This feeling is really indescribable... too wonderful to describe.

I will strive to correct my flaws and avert my bad habits.

Life is really a bed of roses if you know just exactly what to do.

Holiday Spirit

OKAY!

Crying, weeping, stressing out, yelling, cursing, scolding, arguing, killing, backstabbing etc

Enough of the sort!

Its holiday babes :D n dudes =P

let us let our spirit free in the accompaniment of rain and shine~

If you wanna cry, come to me, i'll talk to you =)

If you wanna vent it all out and hang out, tell me, i'll ask permission from my mum XD

If you wanna break your heart or experience love go all out this two months! :D

I'm always here for you as a friend family or a stranger XP

Sorry if I ever doubted you guys or anything else.

OH!

and also..

Selamat Hari Raya Haji to all Muslims ^^

-- Your dearest lover, friend, sister, cousin, stranger Rachox

Love and Friendship 2010

I wish I could stay 14 forever.

This year, as far as I'm concerned, is the smoothest year I've ever had.

And I like it this way.

I wish this could last forever..

though of course, it can't.

This year in friendship, I went from being in a group, breaking up, coming back together again, breaking up, forming a new one, breaking up and now its all simple and easy =)

And in 'love', I found out that crushing over guys are stupid, dumb and immature and I well, kinda like someone right now. THIS is confusing.

I'm academically okay I guess.

I'm not exactly athletic.

And I uh.. yeah. I guess that's it.

(My right hand is sore so I can't really type much)

Make sure to invite me on outings~ FUN ones okay? =D

Coz I'm bored staying at home all the time lol.

--Love Rach

Innocent Clueless Little Me in Maturity

Its kinda stupid when I think about it.

I do things without thinking of it's consequences.

I do things because I like it and I'm sure I won't get bored with it.

It all seems so childish.

Are we all like that?

What, really, is the definition of "Maturity"?

Is it of being someone that abides all rules, and follows all logic without ever having to make a mistake?

Or a person full with all knowledge of life that even they themselves haven't been through?

Or is being mature really just growing.. over the years?

Well, if being mature is about being like that,

then I don't think I want to be.

It sounds so miserable.. so dead.

=) thank God I'm still a teenager now.