As If It Wasn't Enough

As if it wasn't enough that I just got over my crush,

as if it wasn't enough that my sister irritated me

that my mum was rushing me.

That no one really cared about me at school today.

That today was a bad hair day, a day when I suddenly have low self-confidence.

My dad who's usually working overseas is home and he just yelled at me.

Fuck yeah.

How amazing the feeling was.

I was speechless.

There was a moment of silence. But I knew what I had to do.

I apologized. For something I know I did wrong but don't deserve to be yelled at for it.

Its crazy.

I'm SO heartbroken.

Coz my sister and mum are always bullying me.

Not exactly bullying. More like.. always siding each other when a problem surfaces.

Then I get blamed for it.

I ALWAYS GET THE BLAME.

Fuck numerology.

It says my dad will help me when my mum and sister 'gang bangs' me.

Well.

It didn't work.

In fact,

ALL THREE OF THEM WERE AGAINST ME.

Now I finally see it.

In this family, I'm always the lone ranger.

No one ever takes my side.

Every thing gets directed at me. Never good stuff.

Always the bad ones.

And I know I can't say anything to that.

Fuck. I mean if a simple show of temper could piss my dad off like that,

if I told him that neither of them are ever on my side,

I don't think I'll be there to watch the next sunSET. (its 5 pm now)

Being the youngest might always seem to be a benefit to all elder siblings out there,

but in my family,

it effing isn't.

Lucky for me, I'm always ready. With a few layers of defence around my heart.

Or my eyes would have been puffy by now.

I hate my family life.

And right now, even the beginning of my love life.

My friends life.

My.. everything.

I can't be myself around my friends,

Now I can't even be myself around my FAMILY.

I thought family were supposed to be the bestest friends you'll ever have.

Now I know.

That maybe.

I was wrong.