Hurricane

Some people are just so lucky.

There were born with the looks. The charm. The brains. The talent. The skills. The brawns. The courage. The attitude.

And I do admit that I sometimes wonder if God gave them special attention when he made them an individual.

Why wasn't I like that?

Why am I so boring and quiet and insensitive and always PMS-ing and a jerkface?

Why?

Why was I given such a heavy and painful past to move on from?

Why was I scarred at such a young tender age?

I pity myself.

And this time its not like I don't know why,

cause I do. I know why.

I don't want to feel this way.

But I do.

And I envy all those celebrities and naturally popular/beautiful/handsome people out there

that can make it big without even putting in much effort at all.

I hate that I can't be like that that's why I always avoid taking a liking to them.

I don't want to acknowledge the fact that they're better than me but I can't hide it anymore.

I won't hide it anymore.

I'm always in the middle somewhere.

I'm not ugly. But I'm not hot either. I'm not dumb but I'm not a genius either.

I'm not handicapped but I'm not all that amazing either. I'm not talent-less but I'm not exactly talented either.

Its like being in the middle of a hurricane and everything's/everyone's either surviving or dying and you're struggling between dying and surviving. Which is the most painful, you know?

And I think recently I'm starting to like this popular guy but I don't want to.

Cause he's a jerk.

But I'm falling deeper and deeper every time and I really regret ever being nice and talk to him.

There's a big mess in my head. But I can't seem to clear it up.

And every single thing in my life right now just feels so wrong.

every thing's not in the right place.

Sigh. What do I do?