Second Best

..Or again, maybe not even second.

Maybe I am second last or something.

Cuz no one talks to me unless they really need to.

And no one cares for me unless there's no one else left to care for.

I've always been this way.

No matter how much someone treats me as a friend,

I'll still end up second best.

Cuz I'm irritating maybe.

I can't start happy and jolly conversations.

I don't really joke.

I always look emo ( natural look)

and there's always an odd feeling about me

Yeah, I've been told that a lot.

And I've tried to change a lot of times.

But they never work

so I just accept those qualities as me.

But no one likes that 'me'

In fact, everyone dislikes it that I'm naturally emo.

I've been trying to smile.

But every time I try,

worse things happen.

Then my confidence gets crushed further.

Then I feel like a loser.

All over again.

I wonder if I'll ever be number 1 to anyone.

Just fyi, my heart really hurts now.

coz for 9 years of my cursed life,

no one has cared. cares. or ever will care.

I think there never will be.

And I'm drowning in self-pity. I know.

But thats what sad people do.

And today I'm sad.

Taking reality, is sad.

Trying to materialize a dream, is hard.

Quite impossible.

Coz it naturally never happened.

And I never want to force it on someone.

So I'll just live with this pain.

For the rest of my life.