Restored, Safe.. and Sound?

Ahaha.
Hi.

I don't exactly remember what I've last posted on this blog.
And I'm kinda too much of a lazy ass to read it again.
So lets just all pretend I didn't go all emo and stuff ok?

Right.

So lately I've been fine, that is if you are wondering.
Um.. I kinda got over anything to do with men.. I mean, guys .__.
And also if I'm not wrong, I used to have a little problem with my confidence..
Well THAT problem hasn't been totally resolved yet but I'm getting there. Somehow.

I think I should really thank God for this.
For His grace :)
All the while I was in the dilemma, I kept asking myself "God, where are you? Why aren't you helping me?"
"When will this all end?"

I was just.. tired, I guess.
But it DID end.
And I'm really, very, and totally grateful for God.
So yeah, thank you God. I love you.

I can feel him healing me :D
From the inside out.
I'm so blessed.

Also, for the past few years, I've also had this thought:
So I wasn't born a Christian and I think it says somewhere in the Bible that it's better to get married to another Christian or at least a believer at heart if you are one yourself.
To be totally honest with you guys, I don't even know if you can call me a Christian.
Sure, I love God. I really do. And I believe he exists and saved me with Jesus. I believe in Jesus too. And the Holy Spirit that lives in all of us.
But do I really dedicate my time to Him?
I barely do anything that relates to praising or worshipping him.
The only thing I do that isn't even in my control is chapel in school.
And once that's gone.. once SCHOOL is gone the end of next year...
what then?

I've asked my parents about their view on Christianity before, albeit subtly.
But they don't seem very positive about it. In fact, I think they dislike it.
What if I told them one day that I do believe in God and in Jesus Christ? More so than the religion that they believe in and made me believe before?
Would they get mad?
Would they shun me? Hate me?
Would they ignore me for life?
Or worse.. abandon me?

I'm afraid.
I know I shouldn't be afraid because I got God by my side all the time.
Whatever the result of anything is, it will always be for my betterment only.
But I am.
I'm sorry, God.
Sigh. What should I do? ):
I want my parents to know you too. And to live an eternal life comfortably in your kingdom.
Its not right to see them .. praying.. with those sticks.. and earnestly believing that burning those offerings could actually be sent to the souls that have passed.
I want them to know the truth about you so badly.
But they are blind. I know I should at least try to make them see.
I hope that God, you make me strong enough to introduce You to them someday.
That is, if by then, they are still alive and still on Earth.
And also if Jesus hasn't returned yet.
*muffles screams

Okay I know this is getting SO creepy because I never .. and by never I mean seldom talk about God and Christians so obviously in by blog.
I can't help it.
I do need to confess.
I love God. And I feel sorry for disappointing him and I also thank him for everything he's done for me. Including forgiving me :)

Last but not least, which is a topic I'm sure I've introduced above there somewhere and neglected..
It's about the marriage thing.
Of course I'm not so foolish to think so far ahead into the future. Haha.
But what I really mean is.. well..
If you were to get married, surely you'll be in a relationship first right?
Then that man must well.. be suitable. To you. I guess.

Well..
It is kind of awkward to say this..
But yes..
remember that guy I told you about way back when?
I don't remember when actually lol.
It was the guy who I've given up on before I could actually go all serious on liking him because I found out he had a girlfriend.
But then right when I gave up, he broke up with his girlfriend.
Hmm..
Interesting, right?

Nah, not really. That's old news.
What's recent is that..
well.. I think.
THINK. That I might like him again.
BUT.
I won't allow myself to.
Unless there is a good reason.
I don't want to be a naive klutz anymore.
So.. no more of that.

Let's see how this turns out ;)

~I'll put my trust in you Lord.