Does This Happen To Everyone?

I feel.. tired. Not confident.
Just all of a sudden.
Or maybe I did have a reason to feel this way... but I don't remember it .__.
Or maybe I refuse to remember it.

I don't know.
I keep telling myself to think positive. And try to be a better person so that I can make myself feel better as well as to maintain a good relationship with the people around me.
I don't even know if that's working out.
It feels like nothing is working out.
My effort.
Its fruitless.
Do I have to be more patient?
Why is it that whenever I stop to think about things - TRULY think - it seems as if nothing works.
And it always me that's waiting and waiting.. and waiting.
And trying and trying.
And doing everything I am capable of,
only to end up being dumped into the dirt again.

I don't understand.
What is God trying to tell me?
Am I not trying hard enough? Is that it?
I'm not asking for anything much. I'm just asking for recognition.
I'm not even asking for praise.
Is expecting recognition itself too much to ask for?

Am I being greedy? Selfish?
Why can't think work out the right way for me?
Just for once?
Why does every single thing I do always end up like this? Destroyed.
Friends. Crushes. Families. Whatever you name.
It all ends the same.

I am never content. Not even once.
I say I am, but I bluff.
Because I want to make myself feel like I actually AM contented with things,
when I'm not.

No one seems to understand.
I'm sure a lot of people have many reasons to argue with that.
But I feel like no one understands.
Its either that, or no one bothers to understand.
I feel kind of alone.
No one trusts me with responsibilities. No one allows me to do things even when I want to, or show that I want to.
They don't give me a chance to stand for myself,
and nab all the chances for themselves.
So now you tell me.
Who is the selfish one?

I get so tired sometimes.
Tired of chasing. Of trying. Of looking up.
I just wanna flop to the ground, shut my eyes, relax, and just not care about anything.
Because no matter how hard I try, it always seems as if I will never reach the end of it.

I feel like my fire's been put out.
Like all this time that I've been trying to prove myself worthy, I've just had my heart crushed, trampled on, and beaten to the ground.
Might as well kill me, huh.

I'm just...
I''m tired.

So yeah. I'll just admit what you all think I am.
I can't play sports. I can't handle accounts and events. I can't participate in something properly without having something go out of order. I'm arrogant. I'm cold, quiet, distant. I'm a loser. I'm an introvert. I'm slow. I'm forgetful. I'm stubborn. I'm temperamental. I'm crazy.

And I'm ugly.
Happy?
Good.
Because you ought to be.
At least in this silent war, we know now that one of us had won.
And that's you.