Fortunate..

People who get to be number 1 to something or someone really is fortunate.

I'm jealous but also, I admire that person.

I don't want to feed the rage, hatred, and hunger for revenge within me.

I don't want to become corrupted.

So I'll try to be normal and progress with life.

Although I know I will never be satisfied with anything that way,

that is the best road to take.

Because even as my life is this low and meaningless,

I have people I once loved,

and mean my life to me.

So I'll treasure the people in my memories,

to make it up to them.

To hold on to them and never lose them

And even though no one sees this effort,

and even though it hurts me so bad,

I will not succumb to my depression and hate,

I have to suppress it.

Until the day, far into the future,

when the time comes, for someone to take me in to their heart.

And allow me to become their number 1.