Moving On With Life With Stupid, Irritating, Arrogant People

I wonder what is the sure way for me to be able to that.

To not get mad, be contented with their arrogance and stupidity?

Might take a while, but I'm sure there is a way.

Just wondering what it is...

I'm sure its just them.

Because they're rich. Spoiled. Immature. Not enough of morals.

Well, you get what I mean.

I hate how I feel everyday because of them.

I don't want to allow them to interfere with my life.

Reason why I know they're the reason and not my attitude problem?

Because I've been elsewhere to study. Tuition.

With people not from private schools but government schools.

People who actually work much more harder and SMARTER to benefit from their parents' money and paycheck.

They don't waste TIME CHATTING about in class.

They PAY ATTENTION.

They don't BOAST.

They accepted me for who I am.

They never once made me feel like the people at school make me feel.

I'm like their FRIEND.

To the rest of you noobs at school, I'm just a nobody.

I'm just THERE. Its not that I don't want to talk.

Its you who make me not want to talk because you make me dislike you.

Yeah, so maybe I'm a jerk.

But look at you. And look at me.

Who's worse? And who's better off?

That's up to you to decide.

But I know one thing for sure,

you MAJOR attention seekers and I will never live in acceptance of each other.

Because you make people become the quiet people that they are.

You never realise how much your noise affects the people who are verbally weak around you.

Who has a scar, and you're just digging deeper into it.

YOU HAVE NO IDEA.

Take Things, One Step At A Time

Its so troublesome if you have to always look out for what might happen in the future anyway, right?

So why not go slow?

Why not focus on the present and give all you've got instead of wasting your time being useless?

Instead of feeling all the stress and tension from your burdens,

why not let them go?

And start over, anew, at a slower pace, with a wider smile on your face.

I realized that maybe that's why I've been, you know, mad at everyone for no reason.

Cause my hatred and all that just build up within me and it got too packed, so it exploded =(

And then I got mad. And trust me there wasn't a single person I did not hate.

I love the me I am now, the me who I was, want to love the me that I'm gonna be someday, and most of all, I love God.

Because he saves me from everything. From the pain.

From the loneliness.

From my own sins. From my tears and my struggles in life.

I believe he has made a path for each and every one of us to follow.

It doesn't require us to rush, because we have THAT many years in our lifetime.

We're bound to make too many mistakes if we rush, because we're just that imperfect.

The path is a guideline for us. To teach us to be someone rich in spirit and honour and reverence for Him.

I guess its only natural for us to rush and do all sorts of human-like behavior without even knowing them.

But maybe sometimes we should just slow down.

Pause for a while to allow some time for us to think.

Are what we are doing right for ourselves? Or are they wrong?

Worst Easter Day EVER

Okay, I never agreed to go mountain climbing on a SUNDAY.

Its not even my hobby nor my interest.

She knew it was the 3rd day of my freaking monthly event and she just had to insist on me going.

Gawd.

Since it was a mountain, it wasn't like there were any toilets around.

I did not bring extra because I thought it would be quick.

And darn, it took an hour and 30 mins! or maybe more than that.

Halfway up, panting and cursing softly,

I started to feel pain at my lower abdomen.

And that's when I thought " Oh no, I'm in deep sh*t"

The worst thing was: when we got to the peak, there was a garden with exercising equipments

and my mum, sister and dad ended up taking an extra 20 mins there!

I was in SO much pain from both my tummy pain and the monthly event!

There were rare birds above me in the trees chirping

and there were literally right above me on a tree branch,

it was as if they were mocking me

because they were enjoying the wind

when the wind only made me feel worse.

At the end, I finally complained I didn't feel to well.

So I hurried to get down the mountain which took me another 15 mins.

The toilet at the foot of the mountain was too filthy so I did not enter.

I was only with my mum because we took the express steep lane down which I almost fell for 2 times!

I had to wait for my sister and dad which took another 10 mins in bitter torture.

After that, we HAD breakfast.

Which took up another good 40 mins.

I went to the toilet there and ended up breaking the toilet thingy.

I felt guilty but my pain which still lingered at my lower abdomen overwhelmed it.

I felt like puking and I had no appetite for breakfast.

The other thing is, when we got back home,

we had to RUSH for my dentist appointment which was at 12.30 p.m

I only had an hour and 30 mins to get myself prepared.

Plus, an extra business at the toilet bowl.

(P.s. I had diarrhea, lucky me for managing to reach a peak of a mountain and get back down and , too, suffer all the torture that came after without dying)

So we were late and my mum had to call the dentist to inform her of our absence and ask for a grace period of 15 mins.

We made it there and later, when we got to the mall,

I suddenly had a craving for ice cream!!

Which you can guess, is not suitable for consumption during the monthly event.

Even so, it was my favourite so I took one cone.

But my dad, who took one too, said it was too sweet so he offered half his cone to me which I just couldn't refuse!

Lucky me, there still has been no after-effects. Even now.

Oh, and also, this morning, the garment rack in the study room broke today, this morning, to be specific.

So we had to buy a new one.

And we couldn't find a suitable one in the mall that we were in so we went home without buying one and now its in a big mess!

Gawd, the worst day (so far)of the year 2011

I'm NEVER going mountain climbing during my monthly event ever again!!

Everything Is Worth It

With a large sacrifice,

finally,

I realize everything is really worth the pain.

Easter reminded me of the pain He went and goes through.

Compared to mine, mine is but a little speck of dust.

Besides, if I had a choice between happiness and self-pity,

its obvious enough which one I would choose right?

Maybe things are starting to turn out better than I'd expected it to.

Maybe I'm not so unloved at all.

Maybe I really am loved. and deserve a place in this world.

Maybe it ain't showing yet because the time hasn't come.

I'm sure I'm worth something big.

Because that's why I was given life.

No useless being deserves a life,

People who are alive were given a life for a purpose.

To fulfill a mission.

Whether it comes early, late, or much later.

Its only a matter of time.

And through the time of waiting,

we get hurt, and make mistakes.

Which we learn from.

And turn them into experience

so that we will be strong enough

when it is time for battle.

Courage

The courage to hold your head up high and be proud of who you are.

to stand firm on your decisions

to believe in yourself

to move on

to forgive others

to smile and be thankful even when you're sad

to thank someone with a truthful heart

to never truly hate someone

to believe you've done your best

to do things that you should do and not to do things you shouldn't do

to admit your wrongs

and to redeem yourself.

oh how i wish i had that courage.

how i wish I could be that strong

so no one can push me down

especially myself.

sometimes I get really embarassed, humiliated and disappointed of myself.

because I never take that first step: to BELIEVE.

even though I keep saying it.

I guess I'm a hypocrite after all.

I'm sorry that I'm a hypocrite.

I wish one day I would be able to gain that courage.

to protect myself and the ones I love

to cherish them with all I've got.

coz now, emotionally, spiritually and mentally speaking,

I've got nothing. and I'm weak.

I know that.

That's probably why I'm whining all the time.

Sigh. God.. please grant me the courage.

I'm so weak that I feel like even typing is difficult.

I need strength. I need Your help..

The Beauty of Friendship

I found out that if you expect too much to happen,

you will get disappointed if things don't reach that expectation.

A little too disappointed.

So I decided to emphasize only on something I truly need and want.

I don't really actually need the attention from everyone else.

I just need my friend.

The only friend I can never hate.

The one friend that I feel terribly guilty for after I hurt her.

The only friend I'm jealous at for being such a great and wonderful person.

An innocent, pure, smart and amazing person, girl, daughter, a student, and a friend.

Yeah, you would never visit this blog.

But hey, I'm telling the whole world of how good you are.

You're not like me, and everyone else.

You have a goal and you're pretty much satisfied with what you have now.

You don't crave for too much that you know you won't be able to handle.

I'm sorry I broke your heart 2 years ago.

When you so clearly depended and relied on me,

but because I was blinded by fake love for friendship for another person,

I shoved you out of my life.

I know you'll say "Its all right" Cuz that's just how forgiving you are.

But I want you know,

that you're the best teenager and the one and only special teenager I've ever met.

No one will understand you.

Not people who think that they will understand

Not people who try to care.

Because you're humble,

and I really respect you for that.

I'm sure you realize I'm mad at a lot of people around me now.

And no matter how good I am at acting,

you can tell.. that I hate them.

you know?

like.... that 2 people.

and that prefect.

and also the one close to me.

thanks for being my friend.

you truly are the only friend I'll remember on the day I lay on my deathbed.

Love u lots

♥krystal Chin

Let It Be

Yeah. That's right. Just let everything be.

I can't handle all this stress and tension and frustration and pity and self-hurt and craziness.

Its time I stop, for real.

because I don't wanna fuss about things I know I can't change at all.

and do things which will bear better fruit.

which makes sense.

know what I mean?

I can't keep hating everyone you know.

Its like an extra burden on my heart.

And I hate heavy things.

So its time I let it go.

Let everything and anything that will come my way, go.

Just The Way Things Are

Maybe its just puberty that I'm hating so many people =(

I really am.

And sometimes, (just sometimes) I feel that maybe I'm the wrong one.

And sometimes I really don't feel wrong at all.

Coz I think I'm right, and I'm standing my ground.

Because the likes of you? I'd expected you to be unfair, but never THIS unfair.

And I'm sick of it.

I won't be your obedient SLAVE and DOG anymore.

Let's see who takes control now.

The Evil Villain

I'm an evil jealous and just maybe temporarily ugly.

I'm green. and ugly.

green is ugly.

green makes you ugly.

I didn't hate anyone.

I was just jealous.

And that is MEAN.

So I'm sorry.

But it looks like I was probably chosen the antagonist in this story.

And I will have to hurt you.

Chapter 2 - A World With You

The next day, and also the day after the next,

was horrifying.

Nothing went right for him.

Several complaints were filed to his assistant.

And many were on leave.

He practically had to do everything on his own.

Not only that, his single life was getting to him.

AND his mum.

His mum just couldn't stop setting him up with other ladies.

It wasted his time. The ladies' time.

And it usually also pretty much ruins the day for both parties.

Which makes it more stupid to even think about going in the first place.

One day, he finally decided to go on a vacation.

Anywhere, anywhere away from his mum and anyone he knew.

-----------

He ended up in Hawaii.

It wasn't exactly the perfect place to be.

But it was the best he could afford.

Now, he lay relaxed on the beach under the hot sun.

He hadn't felt this much at peace since 6 years ago.

And it struck him, that ever since, he barely laughed. Or smile for real.

At all.

And it was probably one of the most saddest thing that could happen to a man,

he could not even make himself happy.

He sighed, then glared at the sunlight,

as if at war with the strength of the sunlight,

he unconsciously ignored the presence beside him,

the lady greeted him, then sat down on her towel

she sat still for a while, then played with the sand and stared at the ocean,

which seemed better of a choice than staring at the Sun.

Just as he felt he could not take it any longer,

he quickly looked back to the beach.

His sight was a blur,

but he stared at the woman beside him,

firstly, she seemed to gleam in darkness,

then she glowed,

and slowly, his sight returned,

and his eyes widened, recognizing the lady.

She turned to look at him, the same expression on her face.

She opened her mouth to say something, but nothing would come out.

He too, wanted to say something, but he couldn't figure out what it was that he wanted to say.

They stared at each other for a while,

as the sun started to set,

and in her hazel eyes,

he saw his future.

His future that was whole.

*FIN* =)

Part 1 - A Changed World

He had a perfect life. He had the perfect education.

He had nice parents.

Wealth. Women. Fame.

Everything.

But for certain, there was a void in his heart nothing could ever fill.

And he'd always thought about that when things were settled down.

When his life wasn't in a wreck, or when he wasn't partying it up with anyone.

He felt the pain.

He knew himself it did not make sense.

If having a girlfriend was the problem, it would make even less sense.

Because he had dated more than he could count.

So why did his heart hurt so badly?

Why?

It was raining that day after business hours.

Everyone had left earlier, leaving him behind to do all the work.

He mumbled curses as we wrote furiously on the lined papers,

contracts, wills, ..

As soon as he was done, he arched his back, taking in the smell of the rain coming from his window.

It reminded him of his mother. Who would tuck him safely into bed every night it rained when he was young.

And his father, who would do anything to make sure that he would not have a runny nose the next morning.

And his friends, who never got tired of his jokes and company.

Even back then,

when life was so perfect, he felt empty inside all the time.

He searched and long for the fulfillment,

but it never came to sight.

He sighed. Getting his coat and briefcase, he left his office, took the elevator down to the lobby, and to the exit of the damned building he worked in for 6 years.

He'd forgotten his umbrella this morning.

He looked up at the dark night sky ,

" Even you hate me?" he asked jokingly.

he shook his head unbelievably, then stepped out into the rain.

As he waited impatiently for a taxi, he felt the rain soaking his hair,

his coat, his briefcase, his shirt...

And suddenly, it was dry.

He listened carefully to the sound of his surroundings,

it was clearly still raining.

So why had he not soak even further?

"What are you doing out here?" a sweet voice called under the loud spattering of raindrops.

He turned to look at the lady.

She was a head shorter than he was, she was cute, petite, she had long brown curled hair, and a pair of the most beautiful eyes he had ever seen.

She cocked her head to the right,

then suddenly, she shove the umbrella into his free hand.

She felt familiar, like he's seen her somewhere, but he could not recall..

She took a portable umbrella out from her handbag

"I have another one," she smiled " You can have that, I have plenty at my house"

She waved for a coming taxi to stop.

Then she gestured for him to enter.

" Go on" she insisted " I have my own ride"

He glanced briefly at the pink and purple umbrella she handed to him.

He felt his tongue go numb, he could not utter a single word.

Not even a simple 'thank you'

After he got in the taxi,

he gave the driver directions, then leaned back on the seat.

he watched her back from the rearview mirror.

As her shadow grew smaller and smaller, then gone,

he thought of the many girls he had gone out with.

Surely, she wasn't one of them.

Then he looked again at the umbrella that the lady so casually handed to him.

He thought about it over and over.

Then he remembered.

Back in elementary school.

3rd grade.

She was his first crush.

Fortunate..

People who get to be number 1 to something or someone really is fortunate.

I'm jealous but also, I admire that person.

I don't want to feed the rage, hatred, and hunger for revenge within me.

I don't want to become corrupted.

So I'll try to be normal and progress with life.

Although I know I will never be satisfied with anything that way,

that is the best road to take.

Because even as my life is this low and meaningless,

I have people I once loved,

and mean my life to me.

So I'll treasure the people in my memories,

to make it up to them.

To hold on to them and never lose them

And even though no one sees this effort,

and even though it hurts me so bad,

I will not succumb to my depression and hate,

I have to suppress it.

Until the day, far into the future,

when the time comes, for someone to take me in to their heart.

And allow me to become their number 1.

Second Best

..Or again, maybe not even second.

Maybe I am second last or something.

Cuz no one talks to me unless they really need to.

And no one cares for me unless there's no one else left to care for.

I've always been this way.

No matter how much someone treats me as a friend,

I'll still end up second best.

Cuz I'm irritating maybe.

I can't start happy and jolly conversations.

I don't really joke.

I always look emo ( natural look)

and there's always an odd feeling about me

Yeah, I've been told that a lot.

And I've tried to change a lot of times.

But they never work

so I just accept those qualities as me.

But no one likes that 'me'

In fact, everyone dislikes it that I'm naturally emo.

I've been trying to smile.

But every time I try,

worse things happen.

Then my confidence gets crushed further.

Then I feel like a loser.

All over again.

I wonder if I'll ever be number 1 to anyone.

Just fyi, my heart really hurts now.

coz for 9 years of my cursed life,

no one has cared. cares. or ever will care.

I think there never will be.

And I'm drowning in self-pity. I know.

But thats what sad people do.

And today I'm sad.

Taking reality, is sad.

Trying to materialize a dream, is hard.

Quite impossible.

Coz it naturally never happened.

And I never want to force it on someone.

So I'll just live with this pain.

For the rest of my life.

A Break; Forgiveness

Sometimes all we need is a short break from life, right?

Somehow, it makes everything better. Just that short time,

forgetting about things that make you mad,

loving the people you hate,

forgiving the unforgivable,

and smile at things that make you sad.

When I did these things,

I felt SO much better than I usually do.

I found out that reacting in a way that please people,

pleases yourself too in return.

Whether or not it was expected.

Because it was like magic.

The moment you be kind to others,

they'll learn to be kind to you too.

Then trust will form.

And that's where friendship begins.

I'm sure I've been looking pretty negative to a lot of people.

But I'm not sure how I should look.

And that's the truth.

That's why my facial expression is always just... emo or mad, or just pretty much emotionless.

I'm sorry if I've scared anyone ._.

and I'm sorry if I've ever made anyone hate me.

Because today,

I've officially forgiven every single soul that have cursed me,

hated me,

and bullied me.

I take it, as the human way of being human in its natural course.

Because one day we will all grow out of them.

And I've made a decision to not make others' life harder than it already is by making them regret what they have done.

I will want to make them feel like it was nothing: and it couldn't be helped.

Since forgiveness was given,

It's alright.

Its okay =)