Difficult

The struggle between what-I-want-to-do and what-is-right.

You know sometimes I just don't see, say or hear anything.

Its like I put up an invisible barrier around me and in that barrier is my own world.

I see what's not in reality. I hear voices no one else but I can.

And I become so infatuated in my own thoughts that the world around me just disappears.

And that's when the battle begins.

" I can't do it. They'll laugh at me, insult me.. I just can't"

" Who cares what others think of you? Are you gonna sulk all day just because of this??"

" I told you. I can't risk my pride."

" And I've told you so many times before. Listen to me; trust in yourself"

" ..."

And so that is how I usually make decisions.

An internal battle in my mind... no one can listen to nor see.

And it always ends up like this : "......."

Nothing.

I wouldn't make any decisions.

Because the good and bad are too balanced.

I can't say 'yes' or 'no'.

Its difficult. Really...

I have no problems.

The only problem is me.

I have an issue with myself.

I know its funny.

Yet.. at the same time, its not,... if it makes sense to you.

I need something to convince me. To motivate me.

Anything.

God?

Mum? Dad?

An inspirational novel?

Anything...

I need help, before it gets too out of hand.