When The World Is Against You

Mistakes. Failures. Successes.
We all have them. But it is also up to us, how we take it.
Choices. Decisions. Consequences.
When we choose how we'd take it, we'll make a decision. And that decision will determine the following consequences.
Is there ever a sane person in this world that wants bad things to happen to them?
I don't think so. At least, not a person in his/her right mind.

Not that I'm a busybody,
but I've realized- noticed, actually - how many people there are in this world that go through depression.
And no, not depression on the superficial level, but as in really REALLY deep inside.
Not just hating yourself for being ugly and not being able to do anything about it,
but wanting to just take your life away, trying every single damn time, but not being able to take it away because you're afraid. Or maybe you're just worried that your parents won't feel too good about your absence.
Living everyday, walking out in the streets, afraid to live. Afraid to look at people in the eye, afraid to voice out, afraid to show how you really feel.

And it slowly gets worse,
you start off with cutting yourself: with blades and knives and all that sharp things.
Every where.
Your wrists, arms, legs, feet, upper body... and it never stops.
Its a conflict like that.
Not being able to die, but not wanting to live either.

Then one day, the poor girl or guy would sit there and think:
how did I get so far into this depression in the first place?

Right.

Because the world is against me.

I would like to create awareness against bullying/ excessive teasing/insulting.
Sure, for some people who assume that they are more superior than others,
it might be interesting. Or fun even, to torture people like that.
Some might even laugh it off like it was all in a day's work in the end.
But. Have they ever thought of the consequences that would come from the decisions they have made?

In a long term, have they ever thought that they would end up taking someone's life simply because of words like...
You're ugly.
You're stupid.
You're so invisible.
F*ck off, LOSER.
Wimp.
Slut.
Piece of sh*t.
You're better off DEAD.

No. They don't.
They tease or bully because they like it.
Which, in my opinion, is very very VERY wrong.
Why must you make a person's life difficult?
Don't you know that we were all created with our own talents that differ from the rest?
How can you call a person an outcast and a loser just because they can't do the things you can?
Who knows? If your talent wasn't in trend, YOU might have been the one being shunned.
You might have been the one afraid to go to school everyday.

Even if you're not particularly interested in showering these poor people with sugar-like compliments,
at least don't bully them.
And if they annoy the heck out of you naturally,
stay away from them.
Don't even think of getting close to them.

What's your problem anyway? What if people did the same to you?
What if you were in their shoes?
Would you like feeling suicidal everyday because of the people whom you thought were your friends dissed you and physically abuse you?

Didn't think so.

And as for the other side of the party,
you can't lose easily. You can't give up.
No matter what people think or say about you, there's no denying that you ARE equally capable in being pretty, smart, athletic, artistic.. anything you wanna be.
If you're weak, you'll fall into this horrid 'depression' thing easily.
It isn't a nice experience.. from what I've seen and heard.
So stay strong.
And always believe in yourself :)

Once again, I'd like to thank God. For everything that he's done for each and everyone of us.
Its sad that some of us lose our faith easily, and fall into self-hurting, drowning in our own sorrows, and keeping our head hung low, when we can actually obtain success so easily, if only we believe and trust in ourselves, family, true friends, and God.
So let's all work together to make this world a better place for us to live in :)
Let's start by saying nice things to others, offering help whenever possible, smile more often, and stop bullying.

Yours truly,
Rachox.

Taking Risks

I've been doing this a lot lately.
Without actually knowing I'm doing it xD
Until lately, I've realized just how many risks I've been taking.
Both small and big ones.

Small ones?
Well I've been pushing my homework aside a lot nowadays. I don't do them that much anymore. I'm always procrastinating saying "I'll just do them tomorrow morning at school" , hoping fervently that I'll make it in time tomorrow to hand it in X)

The bigger ones?
I've been taking up a lot of responsibilities in school. In class, extra classes and in extra curricular activities.
Well it isn't that bad if you look at it that way. Its good even.
But I already have so much homework.
I really can't manage xD

The BIG ones?
Since I've been having way too many things to do = lot more stress (?)
I've been looking for things to keep me away from being too stressed out sometimes.
So I go online.. try to find some Korean drama to watch.. NOTHING.
Some interesting fan fiction to read... NOTHING.
Find some inspiration in me to draw or write something.. NOTHING.
Nothing. Nothing. Nothing.
So I go to facebook, and played Tetris (now that's only one of the risks I take which might make my life worse than it already is)
Tetris became the first facebook game I actually play. Even though I'm not super interested in it or anything.

THEN.
I meet this guy.
Who's like super quiet.
But its not like that's bad.
Its really good in fact.
Because that makes him mysterious.
It makes me wanna know more about him.
Plus, he's cute.

... I was at first interested only because he's adorable.
But now, I'm not so sure anymore.
HAHA. My heart is so terribly fickle.
I think I'm only possibly falling for him because I force myself to.
To like someone.
Cause when you do,
don't you tend to think of them, like, all the time?
It makes you happy.
Even if its just for that moment,
but that moment,
makes all the difference :)

Am I wrong though?
Should I stop now?
:/ Sigh. Its another test I have to face.
I hope I won't do too bad this time, God :D

Irony Strikes. Again.

Hi. Just in case you wouldn't know, this post is related to the one before.
What is wrong with me and my timing? Seriously? Or are things always just fated to be this way?
Failure for life?

I don't know.

Just when I started falling for him, he gets a girlfriend.
So I thought, you know, fine. I lost my chances. So I'm gonna give up.
and just when I'm determined enough to totally give up on him,
he breaks up with her.

WTF.
FML.

If we're all just playing in this stupid game,
I want it to stop.
I don't want to be the person he'll just use to keep himself from being downright depressed.
To run from the reality that he'd just broken up with the one he really has feelings for.
I hate being a replacement.
I always have.
I hated being a replacement for my friend's best friend.
This is no different either.

Sigh.
Will I always be just second best?

Vent?

Hi. There's one and only one reason why I came to blog here today.
Sigh. I wonder, really, when the time will come for me to meet HIM. The one.
I'm kind of pained.
Everyday I see him, happy, sad, scared, elated, angry, joyful.
But all with her.
But its not like I can hate her though.
She's so nice, so pretty, so soft-hearted...

I really don't know what I should feel so I just let it go.
And I know time can heal anything.
So I'm just waiting.
But its still there.
It is going away I guess... but so torturingly slow that it still hurts almost as much as it did before.

And when he doesn't hate me or doesn't feel disgusted with me,
Its like he's giving me false hope.
And I get little of these hopes everytime, only to be crushed to the ground again,
I know I should give up.
I already have.
But its still there.
I can't help it.

I need to get over him.
But he keeps appearing in front of me everyday and I can't help but not get over him.
Sigh.

And he's not even that handsome. Or cool.

Dreams

Dreams.

It makes you wonder, doesn't it?
How it is supposed to help in the future..
If you might even get to succeed at what you're dreaming on and on about everyday.
The things you hope to do,
the things you hope to get...

Yes, it is difficult.
Who ever said it was going to be easy? :)
Nobody reaches their dreams without falling countless of times and getting back up, only to fall again.
Until one day, when all their mistakes have been learned and when everything is revealed,
.. I suppose there is no such thing.
After all, there is no finishing line in life, is there?
It never ever stops until, well..
you die.

Heh.

Sorry. Kinda got carried away there.

What I meant to say is that dreams aren't something that you should just think of everyday and put aside.. like its a illusion, a hopeless, impossible miracle.

Its not.

Nothing is impossible unless you limit yourself that way.
I only learned this much so far and yet I know there is so much more left for me to learn.

Dreams aren't something that are meant only for the talented and born-gifted people.
Dreams are something that anyone can have. Everyone.
Unless you do something about it, it certainly will remain an unreachable dream.


So keep at it.
Work hard.
Don't give up easily.
Keep your head up.
Smile.
Live.
Laugh.
Love.

Am I That Annoying To You?

Really?
We talk for less than 5 minutes, and suddenly you don't want to talk anymore.
We used to talk about everything .. and I mean EVERYTHING.
And now it just feels like we're strangers.
We have drifted really far away from each other, haven't we?

I must have been really annoying huh.

Well congratulations for successfully distancing yourself me.

Peering Out Into The Real World

Hi~
Okay.. so today, I went to the optical shop and re-adjusted my glasses. Now I feel a teensy weensy bit better I guess :/

doesn't matter.
So I was at the mall earlier today. Mid Valley. I love going to malls.
Malls have everything from food to fashion to any other household items you'd need.
Its also really great to see all the shoppers walking around in the mall.
I get to see the latest fashion/ everyone's different or unique taste.
I love seeing individualism. And I find that that's where I get to see them the most.

I also noticed how there are many couples walking around, cuddling (on the left as they should be) and smiling and other people being busy, walking briskly, while others are with friends and families.
And then I saw me.
Just me.
For the first time,
without judging if I was pretty or ugly, or smart or dumb, or worthless or worth it, or strong or weak.
I saw Rachel Tan.
I was shocked.

I saw a human. Who could do things some other people can't.
While others are having a happy love life, I had a happy family.
While some others were so busy, I was (you could say) quite free.
While some were upset, I was feeling fine.
While some people couldn't afford to eat, I could.
While some people were fat, I was average.
While some people had to beg for money, I could live well.

I saw that I was an average person totally capable of doing anything if I could just believe (Tribute to Whitney Houston's song  right here :D)

And I realized actually how much the world has been dirtied since some time ago.
More people are sinning: lying, robbing, raping, kidnapping, killing. Most of them without feeling the consequent remorse.
It really is shameful.
But then again, there are others who live as well as possible away from these things.
So I guess there are still some good in this world :)

Anyway,
That was a very VERY long unnecessary elaboration..
I was at the McD's waiting for the food to be served. (Since I was just sitting and not the one lining up :P)
And a little boy sat right next to me, with his small figure and huge eyes and long lashes and everything, he looked right at me.
And he was just SOOO darn CUTE! Though he was Malay, I'm not a racist so it doesn't really matter to me.

He was like staring at me for 30 seconds. And I did the same.
Then when his mum came, he pointed at me (while still looking at me) and said
"Cantik"

I was like:
Dumbfounded.
WOAH.
What.The. F.
Did he just call me pretty?

I was so happy.
He totally made my day.
If only he was older .. MUCH older, I would have fallen for him.
He's just SO FREAKIN adorable.
I still remember those huge eyes now :)

And so I realized how a simple word like that can make someone's day.
I just realized how selfish I have been all this time.
Keeping all my comments to myself and not letting people know about them,
I should.. especially when the are positive comments,
I want them to know it.

That they are worth it.
God made them just right.
And that they deserve everything.
As long as they work hard for it.

Therefore from today onwards, I'll try my best to tell people what I really think of them.
And not hide all the time (though I have to sometimes under certain circumstances)

This is what the real world is all about.
Cheating yourself, cheating others, or doing things to make this world a better place (tribute to Michael Jackson)

Good luck guys :)
Have a nice day and thanks for visiting.
xoxo