The World and I

Related. But no so much, after all.

The world is just a place I live in.

Me? Well I'm not so sure who I am, or what I am.

I'm sure I'm not merely a human, I'm something else science hasn't been able to testify yet =)

I believe this world can be a much much MUCH better world.

If only everyone would work harder, be friendlier, and smile more.

I'm sure we wouldn't be so corrupted then.

Yeah, right though.

As if things would turn out that way.

That is why we would be punished one day.

And there is no stopping that punishment.

Goody-Two-Shoes

There are just so many people I hate ._.

and they are just too many people that I can't list them (not that I ever want to)

But the problem is: I can't hate them properly =.=

When you get mad at peeps, you're supposed to like... not smile or talk to them AT ALL.

But I do ._.

And it makes them think that I'm just normal and nothing happened.

which is SO not the case.

What is my problem anyway?

I'm thinking that maybe I was just born this way.

This goody-two-shoes way ._.

And I can't quite say if I like it or not..

Sorry For Being This Way

I know you've witnessed this change in me.

To you it might be a turn for the worse, but to many others; its for the better.

And I'm really sorry because of the way I'm treating you.

And I'm sorry because I can never apologize to you up front.

Because you don't deserve it.

From loving you, I hated you.

From a sincere heart, I came to take advantage of you, to disposing you.

I would take any curse or consequence.

I know I've betrayed your trust.

But rest assured, I will never do this to any other except you.

I'm sorry that you're that one who had to face this.

And thank you for allowing me to experience what true loyalty and friendship was like.

Even though you never felt the same.

Stupidity

When I think about what I did in my memories:

I find the me in my memory really stupid, clumsy, naive, .. innocent.

Like, I did really unnecessary stuff that really hurt some people. Or had the potential to.

It brings no benefit at all to both sides.

Then I wonder: Why in the world did I do that?

But then I realize, then, at that moment, I won't be able to think that way.

I'd react from the reasoning of my heart. Not the mind.

So I end up doing stupid things I'll regret doing in the future.

I wonder why...

Is there a way to stop being so stupid? =(

There are only 5 people I would sacrifice anything for.

5 people I don't mind being stupid for.

My mum, dad, sis, Christine, and Krystal.

Cause I know they deserve it.

They care for me enough and they've earned my eternal trust.

And that is the one thing that no one will ever be able to tear down.

Daddy!! D:

My Dad's in Hanoi!! D:

WORKING!!

And there's like tremor there from the Myanmar earthquake! D:

I hope he will be alright...

Damn. STRESS. Big STRESS.

Exam, sports day, standard taking in field events, projects, homework, MAJOR exam, chores, PLAY TIME!!!

Arggghhh!!

Where do I find the time?!

It always feels as if time just isn't enough!

T__T

..I need more time.. =(

Happy but Stressful (?)

Is it a good sign? Or bad? O3O

I have been getting scary dreams lately.

Like.. not gore. But the type of 'scary' you see on TV.

Yeeaah..

I'm thinking it has something to do with stress.

But I'm not so sure anymore lol

Since, I'm quite happy at the same time too.

No. Definitely not at school.

I'm PISSED at school.

But I'm happy at tuition.

I really am.

The students are way nicer than my school's all-bitchy-chinese.

and the teachers are funny and intelligent too.

I don't know why the people at my school are SO immature.

Or is it just me?

I'm like maturing too fast?

I don't know.

Maybe I'M the problem.

God knows.

--Peace out =)

Do You Know?

I used to really really like you?

I'd thought you were special to me.

But now I see who you really REALLY are.

And its ugly.

Not only is it ugly.

But I discovered that you force yourself to be nice to me.

So from now on,

don't lie anymore.

I will leave you. If that's what you want.

It benefits both of us.

I don't have to be annoyed by you anymore.

I don't have to suppress my anger whenever you're around.

You don't have to act and lie in front of me anymore.

You don't have to 'depend' on me anymore.

You won't be troubled anymore.

Goodbye.

Enough is Enough

Is flaunting your smartness and intelligence really that important to you?
Important enough that you become all arrogant and idiotic? STUPID?

You know you know it.
Because even if you don't, many people would've told you by now.
And by this time, you should have realized how ugly you look right now.
Not your face. But your damned attitude.

I'm tired of these sickos who don't have any other things to do but TALK in class and who only TALK to you when they want your homework to copy or borrow your book or stationery.
They don't CARE about me.
All they want are benefits from me.
All they do is take advantage of me.

And now I'm pissed. I'm really pissed.
What right do you have to take MY rights away from me?
What right do you have to talk to a person you know you will upset?
Get away from me.
Don't talk to me.
Be sure I will never be able to hear your voice or see your face in front of me ever again.

Cause I'm tired of shush-ing
I'm tired of being nice all the time to people who take advantage of me.
And I'm definitely tired of all of your arrogance and noise.
Won't you grow up?
Aren't you guys already 15?!
FIFTEEN!

I can't believe you're even fifteen.
If I had the right to judge you,
I'd say you were 12.
Because y'all are pains in my neck.

Beautiful

I used to think love was disgusting and I didn't need it to live this life.

It was an extra thing in life that you can choose whether or not to have it.

But now sigh. I feel dumbfounded.

I'm willing to share my love to anybody.

Because I want to help them.

But I wonder: will anyone do the same for me?

I can go about it for ages.

Just giving and giving and giving.

Will I ever receive though?

Love is so beautiful.

True love is beautiful.

No matter how you appear, love can change you. In and out.

And I'm sad to say I'm jealous.

Of people I see walking on the streets together.

I get envious.

I shouldn't be.

Because I know now's not the time at all.. to fall in love.

But I'm jealous of the beauty it shows. It outshines everyone else's.

I'm afraid actually.

I'm afraid I'll live to a ripe old age without a partner.

Or maybe die young without having to experience that love.

I'm afraid of death.

More importantly, I'm afraid of God.

I think deep down everyone's heart, they do fear death. And God.

No matter how they deny it.

Its the same with love.

We deny them because we don't want to accept the fact that one day we're gonna have to face that.

Death. Love. God.

They're both terrifying yet pleasing and full of warmth.

Death means the end of your life. But it also means the end of your suffering here on Earth.

Love means you hurt real bad. But it also protects you from harm and keep your heart at ease.

God. God can wipe out the world in an instant. But He is also a warm, fair, loving, amazing, indescribable God. Like a mother, like a father.

I wonder when my time will come.

Is it near?

When will I fall in love?

When will I die?

When will I finally be able to speak with you?

Everything.. is beautiful.

Helping/Donating/Giving

I never realized how just flashing a smile and saying "Thank you" can make someone's day.

I didn't know telling someone "You're pretty" can build up their confidence.

I thought every 'good' thing we did was just to improve our own image.

Be a mannered person.

But I was wrong.

I was really really wrong.

What in the world was I thinking?

Was I stupid?

I experienced it.

I needed so much for someone to say "You're nice, awesome. Pretty"

I needed encouragement so badly, that my heart hurt for it.

And when I'd finally gotten it,

I felt all my burden being washed away smoothly and calmly.

The person I'd never thought would praise me, did it.

The person I'd thought would have done it, didn't do it.

And I realized how important every single thing you do and say in your life means to someone else.

It can sting that person, but it can also heal a person.

At the beginning, all I wanted to do was to go to heaven.

So I wanted to be a good girl, obey every damn thing I heard was right.

But now... its not the same anymore.

What's the use of going to heaven, when really, I don't deserve it?

I didn't do anything worth going to heaven for.

I wasn't good. I was ACTING good.

The qualification, as far as I know, is to BE good.

And that is what I want to be.

Instead of pitying myself, I want to help others.

I know I'm not alone out there.

I know many people need help.

People who might die without that help.

Here I am : rotting away in my room, when others are dying out in the open.

What sense does that make?

Just helping, can help a bankrupt company return to it's original state.

Just donating, can keep a person away from his/her death.

Just giving, can heal a heart.

What are you waiting for?

Don't rot your life away. Its such a waste.

Remember.

You were given this life for a REASON.

To be happy and to HELP others to be happy.

God bless all =)

(Watch 1 Litre of Tears- It will change the way you think. Forever)

Unclear

I guess I'm at that point in life when everything's a blur.

I just can't seem to fully understand anything.

Whether its simple or complex.

Its all the same.

Friendship: I have no idea who really are my friends. And who are not.

Puppy Love (?) : Is it really? I don't know.

Family: How am I supposed to react to their kindness and affection? Do I really act like I appreciate them anyway?

General decisions: I can't tell between what's right and what's wrong. Most of the time, I end up choosing the latter.

I want to be able to be independent.

Why is that so hard?

Why can't I stop doing all the wrong things,

and be good?

Why can't I accept things just the way they are?

Why am I so selfish; always craving for more.

Why can't I just give up on the past?

Why do I still want the attention even though its so clear to me that I'll never be able to get it?

Why do I shed tears upon that?

Why is it that no one cares when that happens?

Why?

Meaning of Education, Confidence, and Talent

I believe no definition can truly define these.

Not in a million years.

These are things that are beyond the capacity of the human thoughts.

No one truly understands it. No one is perfect.

Yet.

God created us. Or whatever you believe in; here we are.

We were BORN with talent.

We BUILD our confidence along the way,

and Education is something that should be our goal.

What will you do without a goal?

That is how we, teenagers, keep drifting away from the right path.

I mean, sure we have pressures from our peer, parents, life, love, relationships, homework and God knows what.

But, were we created to lose to these mundane problems?

Fact: NOT.

Its obviously a fact.

So we should be a better person.

Make ourselves a better future.

Persevere. To survive in the battle.

That is what life's all about.

If you indulge in all the wrong things,

you lose everything.

Education, confidence, people, trust, and you will kill your talent in you,

because you never gave it a chance to shine.

And you shut it out.

Awareness.

We must be aware.

Think before we speak.

Learn to understand things in a rational and critical way before reacting.

Put yourselves in others' shoes.

Smile. And the rest of the world will smile along with you.

Be happy.

In short:

Take the chances,

Live happy =)

Something Bout Believing

The first step in everything is to have faith

to trust.

to believe.

Without it, you can't go anywhere. You won't be able to.

As we grow older, we all tend to get very suspicious of things

therefore not trusting things we're supposed to and trusting the one we're not supposed to.

I can't help but think little kids are like angels.

They're annoying in a good way

and they know better than anyone else what love and attention and trust really is.

I want to be a 'someone' worth being with.

That was all I ever wanted.

That was why I wanted to change all the time.

That's why I was not satisfied being thrown to the corner.

I wanted to be with you because..

I don't know. You felt special.

But now you just feel .. different than what you were before.

Instead of being special and different,

I realize you're just condemning yourself,

searching for ways to make you different from the others.

To make yourself special.

In other words, you're radiating arrogance.

I know you're normal.

Why are you making things so difficult?

Trust in what's right.

Don't go too far from the right path.

I hope you'll see the damage you're REALLY causing to yourself.

And how there really are THAT many people who sincerely care.

I might not be one of them

but seeing you like that,

fills me with disgust.

And pity.

I can't stand it.

Everyone who falls eventually gets up again.

They have to.

SO why are you staying flat on the ground?