Phobia

I'm scared.

I won't take the risk.

I don't know who I am.

I can't bear this anymore.

I won't do anything.

I'm just another person that fills your time aren't I?

A Lesson To Learn

A closed box.

That's where I've been hiding.

Its so dark because I never tried to get out.

I'm bored and lazy coz there's too little space to do anything.

My mind is distorted because I couldn't see what is really happening.

I'm sooo tired of things repeating itself over and over.

And I fall for the same problem again and again.

I have never made an effort to stop them from happening.

I have to try.

Its a new year.

I hope I can change.

Not hope.

Want to change.

Its time I do something about myself. For real.

Who Am I

Am I an outcast?

Or am I favored?

Am I pretty? Or ugly?

Am I smart or pretending to be?

Am I generous or cruel?

Who am I?

There are so many things I know that I am.

But they oppose one another.

And there; there is a person in my mind, an illusionary fiction that will never become a fact.

And once again.

My wish is still not granted.

all would be good if I had unlimited patience.

I could wait and wait.. forever..

and even when my wish is never granted,

I am fine.

Because I can wait.

But.

No. In reality, that is impossible.

I'm tired of waiting.

When will it come?

The day when I'm treated fairly.

When I can truly smile again.

When darkness is my aid; not my burden as it is now.

And when the light is my platform, not just a desire.

Nobody sees this part of me.

Not my mother, not my sister, not my father, not my best friend, not anyone.

I can tell them on and on and on till I can't anymore.

And the next moment, it will be gone from their mind.

So I find it of no use anymore.

I keep wanting to be that person in my dreams.

But lately, I know I can never be.

I keep telling myself to just give up and be free

but my heart won't listen.

It defies me.

What do I do?

I'm lost in the middle of nowhere.

No one is here.

Nobody.

Sure.. there are people around me who look like they care or maybe they really do.

But they don't make an effort to help. At all.

So all that's left is me

and God.

I've prayed since forever.

Lord,

have you ever heard my prayer?

Complicated

Life is so complicated don't you agree?

Its like you think you know something but then, you really don't.

You think that someone's perfect for you, but then you find out later that they are really not.

You wish something would come true, but it never does.

Yet,

when you think something's gonna come crashing down, it doesn't.

when you feel like you want to commit suicide, your conscience tells you you can't.

you'd thought everything was over, but you realize that there is still hope.

Nothing is ever what it seems.

Nothing good is really good.

But nothing bad is really bad either.

There are the ups and downs. Its true.

Lies might hurt. But they let you see the truth if you just open your eyes to see it.

Your friend might hurt you and forget you, but is that really the end of friendship itself in your life?

Don't give up. Live life to your fullest. There are lots of secrets waiting to be unveiled.

Happy living~